How to Become a Coach

I was 20 years old when I took my first coaching session. On the outside I was smiling, relatively cool, relatively collected. I was acting the part of the coach. I was here to solve problems — I got this.

On the inside I was terrified. I was plagued by questions — “Am I qualified for this? What if they ask me a question and I don’t know what to say? What if I’m not helpful at all? How do I know if I’m actually a coach?”

I had no idea what I was doing going into that call. I’d signed up to be a coach and I was taking my shot in the dark.

I shot and I hit. It wasn’t fancy, it wasn’t beautiful, but I hit the mark. I got on that call and I coached.

When I came out the other side (having answered the client’s questions and helped them identify the direction they needed to move to start solving their problems), I was on an adrenaline high. I did it. I’m a coach!

It turned out I had known what I was doing — I just hadn’t know it.

Storytime aside, here’s the TL;DR version of my answer: start coaching.

If you want to be, do. It’s quite simple.

More on how to do that in a second. First, let’s talk about what a coach is and doesthen we’ll talk about how to start.

A good coach is able to:

  • listen really well (your client always wants to feel heard)
  • ask questions that help the client identify their problems
  • help brainstorm solutions for the problem
  • help their clients put together a plan of attack for implementing those solutions

If you boil it all down to the simplest terms, that’s really all a coach does. There are lots of different types of coaches, with different sets of qualifications and specialties. Some will be experts and propose solutions. Others will just walk with you through the process of finding solutions for yourself.

Your approach will depend on the level of expertise you bring to the table, but most beginning coaches will start out just walking beside their client (I like to use the word “facilitating”). That’s certainly what I was when I started out.

You don’t need expertise to start. All you really need are people to coach.

To become a full-time coach, you’ll need other things too — a little business savvy, a brand, and a steady source of income. Each of those topics deserves a post all to itself. I’m just going to focus here on the raw coaching itself, and all that requires are the people to work with.

So where do you find those people?

I’m going to backtrack for a second — because how does a 20-year-old college opt-out (no credentials here) get a paid coaching gig?

Full disclosure, it was a long road to get there. I started developing my coaching muscle in high school, while I was working as an editor. Being an editor requires a) helping people refine/get better at what they do, and b) explaining the logic of the changes you’re making, so the people you’re working with understand them too. Editing made me good at teaching, and at seeing where people were struggling and needed to get better.

After I graduated high school, I decided not to go to college, and I started teaching writing classes instead. I worked with homeschooled kids age 7–14, and I learned a lot about teaching, mentoring, and facilitating people while they refined their capacity as writers. I got even better at communicating the places I was seeing where my students needed to improve.

When I started working for Praxis in August of 2016, I was in the operations department, but our team had a full staff of coaches (since we’re an education startup!). I’d been at the company for almost a year when I finally pitched myself to become an advisor — and when our education director said yes, I put my profile and my Calendly (pictured above!) up on our private participant site. I was so excited when I got my first booking — which then turned into nervousness, and then terror, and then excitement again when I not only survived my first coaching call, but proved myself as a valuable resource.

I’ve been coaching with Praxis for almost two years now, and full-time for a year and a half. I train our coaches now, too. So what I did seems to have worked. 😉

To turn the above story into general advice:

It doesn’t really matter where you start. The most important thing is to find people to work with and start coaching. Once you start to get reps under your belt, you become more legit. People start to notice. You become more confident. It starts to get a little easier.

If you don’t have a track record as a coach, finding existing structures to coach within will help you get off the ground (like I did by working as a writing teacher, than as a coach at Praxis).

If you don’t want to work within an existing structure, find a pain point you can help people resolve and start to create a niche around it (helping young people figure out what they want to do after high school? Helping yoga teachers turn their passion into a business? Helping writers actually sit down and write, and finally break through their creative block?). Make sure it’s something you know something about, but don’t worry about being an expert. You’ll become an expert through the act of coaching.

Take some clients for free to start, to get testimonials and experience. Ask for referrals.

Over time, you’ll start to build up a client base — and with each new client helped, every new problem resolved, you’ll become a better coach.

And again — do not, I repeat, do not, worry about being an expert.

I’m going to reference that story I told again. Remember how terrified I was?

If I’d waited until I was “ready” to coach, I never would have started. Two years later, I still wouldn’t be coaching. I’d probably still be too scared to start — because I’m still not an expert, and no amount of “preparation” can ever make you ready.

Have you heard the adage “we don’t know what we don’t know?”

Here’s the other side of the coin, and one of my favorite truths about life: we also don’t know what we do know. I learned this on that first coaching call — and the countless calls and meetings I’ve taken since.

We have a lot of information we collect on a daily basis but never force ourselves to actually stop and acknowledge. You don’t realize you have this information until someone asks you a question and you’re in a situation you have to answer — or at least try.

You might panic a little. You ask clarifying questions to stall for time, while in your head you’re trying to figure out a way to tactfully say “I’m sorry, I don’t know.” And without realizing it, your stalling questions turn into resolutions to the problem, and your client is happy, and you’re happy too, because you’re coaching and it’s working.

The point being: you don’t have to know everything to be a coach. Don’t expect yourself to, and don’t use that as an excuse to not begin.

If you want to be a coach, start coaching.

Note: read the original Quora post here!

Layered Stories: How to Add Richness to Your Writing

Humans are fascinated by complexity. Complexity creates richness.

It’s a fine balance — too simple and we get bored, too complex and we become confused. But as a general rule of thumb, the more complex something is, the more interesting it is to us, and the longer it can hold our attention.

Adding layers of complexity to your writing (both fiction and nonfiction) keeps your reader engaged in a way a simple story can’t.

You want to start with something simple, and then build. The word “layer” is key — layers of complexity is what will breathe richness into your writing.

Simplicity makes it easy to slip in; complexity keeps us captivated. The best writing has both.

The core plot/thesis of your piece is the framework upon which everything else will be built. You want this framework to be simple enough to follow easily — too complex, and there won’t be room for anything else.

But on top of (and underneath) the main plot and thesis, add layers of complexity. Subplots, additional stories, new threads. Weave them like a tapestry. The more complex, the more interesting your piece will be.

Innovation is About Reading Between the Lines

To be average is to see what exists. To innovate, create, and be above average is to see in between what exists, to what could be.

Example of seeing in between: people use social media to connect, and people call taxis to get rides. What if the two were combined, and people used social media to get rides? That was the basis of Zimride, the original ridesharing service that later morphed into Lyft. Acquired FM did a phenomenal episode on this story, which you can find here.

Logan Green and John Zimmer (the co-founders of Zimride and later Lyft) looked in between things that already exist, and saw the potential for what might be. They combined things that already existed and remixed them (the basis for all creativity), and they read in between the lines of what exists.

Here’s an exercise: look at a city skyline. If you’re in a city, look at it in person (it’s more powerful that way). If not, look at a photo. Look not at what’s already there, but the spaces in between, and imagine what could be. What would the city look like with ten more buildings, twenty, fifty? Where is there empty space waiting to be filled?

To be average is to see what’s there — the buildings rising towards the sky, the concrete and the glass and the steel. There’s a lot to look at — the human engineering, the business, the industry. It’s enough to keep one busy for a lifetime, just exploring what already exists.

But exploring what already exists doesn’t create anything new. There’s no forward progress, no creativity, no exploration beyond the bounds of what’s known.

To be a creative force, look at what isn’t yet there.

It isn’t just about raw speculation and blind imagination. There are indicators one can learn to read to see what likely will be there in future — what will be needed, or wanted, or created by circumstance.

Human development and human needs aren’t random. There’s a spectrum of things humans need and desire, and a variety of circumstances that elicit those needs and create opportunity.

As an example: the following is an excerpt from David Perell’s newsletter, which came out this evening. It expounds upon this quite nicely:

Munger, China, and Vietnam

While traveling by bus in Missouri, I sat next to a Hong Kong based investor who recently had dinner with Charlie Munger at his home in Los Angeles. After hearing about his dinner, I asked him what he’s excited about. He responded with two surprising insights:

  1. China has the fastest growing elderly population in the world. Due to the one-child policy (enacted in the 1970s) and the country’s wealth boom, the elderly care industry is about to explode.
  2. He was more bullish on Ho Chi Minh City than any other city in the world. Median wages in China are growing fast, so manufacturing is moving abroad. A lot of the low-end manufacturing is moving to Bangladesh and the higher-end manufacturing is moving to Vietnam, a country with 95 million people and a 98.5 percent literacy rate. Thus, he believes that Vietnam is an attractive place to invest.

This investor is looking at a) what will be (the circumstances that are unfolding and the needs and opportunities that will arise) and b) what could be (how to capitalize on those opportunities).

Human desire is based around pain points and needs, and opportunity is created by fulfilling those needs. Learning to predict needs helps you see the spaces between what currently exists in a constructive way, that allows you to treat them as opportunities to be intentionally executed on.

Moving as a Study in Persevering

I moved today — for the fifth time in fifteen months. Not far — just across the Ravenel Bridge, from Downtown Charleston to Mt. Pleasant — but the distance almost doesn’t matter. If you’re moving, it’s unsettling and a bother.

Also, again — the fifth time in fifteen months. I reused boxes today I used in that first move 15 months ago. I’m getting rather good at this.

Tonight’s blog post is less a set of cohesive thoughts, nor an endeavor to create a lucid narrative, or draw a conclusion. Instead, it’s a collection of reflections that I’ve been chewing on today as I pick up my life and carry it, one cardboard box at a time (and a second set of hands for my bed, table, and chairs) out of my old house, down the stairs, into my car, back out of my car, through a parking lot, up four floors in an elevator, and down a set of halls.

Moving is a good time for reflection. Two reasons for that:
a) physical labor tends to elicit thoughts like this, and
b) it’s the closing of a chapter and a start of a new one.

Even if the era wasn’t distinctly defined on other fronts, each place I’ve lived has felt like a chapter, and each move, a close.
The parameters you set around the way you experience life on the daily shift each time you move to a new location, and those parameters shape the way you perceive the things you’re doing as you’re living.

The closing of a chapter always prompts me to reflect on the one closing — what went well, what went badly, what we learned, how we changed, and what we could work on doing better. In addition, the opening of a new chapter always fills me with excitement — so much you can do with this new space being opened,

The handling of my belongings makes me happy. Handling each piece I’ve intentionally acquired, each piece with a back story, each piece that brings joy into my life. I take pleasure in handling each.

The adversity, too. Moving is hard. It’s uncomfortable. It’s a lot of work. In this context, it was 95 degrees and humid as hell. You can look at this as something uncomfortable and miserable, and fight it the whole way — or you can look at it as a challenge designed to make you smarter, and lean into it and embrase it.

Always Seek to Become More Interesting

Always seek to become more interesting. Becoming more interesting requires learning. It requires obtaining new experiences, and new information, and new knowledge.

Interestingness is a good indicator of value.

The more interesting you are, the more interesting the content you’re able to create. The greater your well of information that you can draw from, the better your creative capacity, and the higher-value ideas you’ll have.

The more interesting you are, the more interested other people will be in you — in talking to you, in learning from you, in collaborating with you, in working with you.

The more interesting you are, the higher your own quality of life will be — because you’ll be more interesting to yourself.

Always seek to become more interesting. Go out into the world and consume content, have interesting experiences,

Live Curious, not Constricted

There are two different ways you can make decisions: from a place of curiosity, or a place of constriction.

If you’re making decision from a curious standpoint, you’re pursuing opportunities because you wonder “what if.” You’re curious about what might have been, what might be now, or what could be in future. You’re curious to learn more. You’re driven purely by a desire for knowledge — not afraid of anything besides not knowing.

You can use this curious mindset to approach a wide array of things — work, school, the things you study, the projects you take on, and the parts of the world you choose to explore.

On the flip side, the constricted mindset can be equated to operating from a place of fear. You’re making decisions because you’re afraid of potential future consequences. For every risk you take (however small), you have to think about the potential repercussions, and the price you might have to pay.

When you make curious decisions, you’re operating from an abundance and opportunistic mindset.

When you make constricted decisions (more commonly called “fear-based decisions”), you’re operating on a very small plane of existence — limited by what you already know and what you already know is safe.

Think about both options as you’re making decisions. Which approach is more fulfilling? Which is a story you’d rather be existing in?