The Excerpt:
The face of an old gypsy woman looks out from inside a covered wagon facing the campfire.
The reflection of a new moon ripples in a puddle of rainwater in the forest near the camp.
On the floor, mountains of worn-out village shoes need mending.
A dim oil lamp lights the cobbler’s hovel. — Isaac Babel
Analysis: paced. Sparse. Strong images, but few. Very physically-based descriptions. Settled, but not fulfilled or happy — just balanced. Technically this is from a screenplay, but I think it stands just fine as a cadence of prose fiction — it’s very deliberate, but in an easy way.
The Exercise:
The eyes of a young woman watch the back of a soldier as he walks down the street.
Another woman in her upstairs bedroom across town folds her nice dresses and carefully packs them away.
In a grimy window, flowers slowly wilt in a vase that’s run out of water.
A fly buzzes hopelessly against a window screen.
Analysis: I actually really like this one.